How long shall we cry out to You O Lord, before You will incline your ears to our groaning?
The blood and tears of the ancient saints from the soaked soil in
The people of island are worshipping lifeless stone and woods,
lust filled their body and eyes,
slaying their own kind with cruel swords of word and action.
Return us to the soil then, for you have abandoned us, your own children!
Save us from our sinful brutality and evil ways, O Lord, lest we may be counted as resembling minimally Your own image.
*耶利米12﹕1-4
Samuel Balentine: Prayer in the Hebrew Bible
除了神學生外﹐我還是一個放射治療師。
在他們人生其中一個最困難黑暗的時候﹐能夠帶著祢給我的笑容陪他們走這一小段路﹐是我的福氣。
很愛他們﹐因為他們全都是那麼被祢愛著﹐祢又總愛混在他們中間﹐叫我常常冷不防遇見祢﹐更被祝福的﹐不知道是他們還是我。
雖然工作環境算不上最好﹐但單純地相信﹐不論外在水平如何﹐這個小小的我只要盡心愛護病人就夠了。
但那個散漫的制度和工作文化就像潛伏在暗黑森林的妖怪﹐伺機要吞吃我趕著的那群漫爛無知羊兒。他們是這樣全心全意地相信著我們﹐我一直步步驚心﹐抓著那根瘦小的樹枝﹐拼命地守護他們。
有時候我也會犯錯﹐有時我會趕得及到前頭打掉妖怪的爪子。
但昨天﹐突然驚覺在我不察覺時﹐妖怪狠狠地咬了我的羊一口。
我看著自己的一雙手﹐在白色巨塔內﹐這雙手太小了﹐單我一個人根本無法確保他們的安危。
在這個陰天下著微雨的下午﹐我把自己關在房間裡﹐哭了好久。
無國界醫生前主席James Orbinski在他的書An imperfect offering 和紀錄片Triage中﹐深恨痛絕那些逼得成千上萬民眾陷入飢荒﹑戰亂﹑痛失親人的國家決策和制度﹐又叫他不得不一次又一次殘忍地把人命分作treat immediately, treat in 24 hours, 和 irretrievable. *
他認為不但需要站在前線救治﹐改變決策和制度才是根治的施藥。
回到一流醫院工作的念頭﹐在那天第一次冒起。
我痛恨那個沒有盡責保障病人的制度 ﹐究竟要怎樣的醫療事故﹐才會令他們願意正視這個部門應有的嚴謹?
Orbinski說﹕ 一次在盧旺達內戰﹐遍地飢荒疫症﹐Baidoa 全區只有3個醫生﹐無國界醫生的feeding centers十分吃重﹐連Orbinski也染上疫病。他給送到奈羅比的醫院治理﹐康復後MSF給他一張回加拿大的機票。他望著鏡內的自己﹐他明白了一件事﹕I could not live with who I would be if I did not go back (to Baidoa).
一走了之﹐抑或繼續站在破口守望 ?
是前進﹐是撤退? 祢說﹐我要怎樣才不會以後的日子無法面對自己?
Orbinski說﹕ As difficult as it may be, the struggle matters. And it can achieve something."
在等候之時﹐我情願作那不完美的祭在祢面前﹐守候。
袁文婷﹐來自於汶川什邡市師古鎮民主中心小學的一位一年級班主任。
5月12日的下午﹐袁文婷如常地在班房裡檢查孩子的作業。當地開始搖晃時﹐孩子們都嚇得只懂站在原地動也不動。
一個﹑兩個﹑三個﹐十多個學生被她救到安全的地方。
5月12日晚上，搜救人員終於發現了袁文婷───一塊厚厚的水泥板，壓在她的身上。在她冰冷的身軀下﹐還有她的學生。
她曾經同朋友說過﹕「每一個學生都是我的孩子，他們都才六七歲，好像一張白紙，他們的未來都在我的手中。我﹐是他們的啟蒙教師。」
袁文婷﹐四川人。青春定格了在25歲。
**後記﹕ 這是在網上廣流的無數英雄故事之一﹐是為Across U-hub 有感而慟 Lament音樂會而compose的。
是夜﹐我在台上為她細說那麼濃縮得有點失禮的生平故事。
是夜﹐我發現了文靜的字轟天嘹亮的一面﹐被vocalized的文字震憾了。
這是後話。
近來太忙﹐後話太多了﹐還請見諒。
Worship
In my own church of 3000, rather than referring the communion as a “routine”, it is a much privatized act. As trays are passing around the massive sanctuary, everyone holds on tight to their own little piece of bread and plastic cup of grape juice. Some are praying, some simply wait in silence. Each person seems to go forth to God individually, despite the fact that he is right beside his family, friends, and brothers and sisters. However, the communion experience in the retreat was significantly different. It occurred to me that communion is not merely an act of remembering Jesus or bringing yourself in front of God. It is, as the word suggests, “mutually participating” in this intimate act of sharing Him completed koinania. His despicable sufferings, his shed blood, his resurrection, his love and his salvation, are done for all. It is through this unconditional sacrifice, all that comes under his name are connected by a web of love thicker than blood. How could the remembrance of our Lord, be any less than this?
On the first night, we passed the bread around by saying “John/Jane, this is the body of Christ, broken for you”, while Dr. Sherbino served the cup. At the very end, our teacher was the only one who did not have the bread and wine yet. A fellow classmate offered the serving of the bread to him. The cup was sitting on the tabernacle by itself. It seemed natural to go up and serve the wine, but hesitation went through my mind: “Should it not be deacon or a pastor to serve the communion?” But my heart overrode my mind with a compelling “Go”, and I was just in time to extend him the cup with a smile, “this is the blood of Christ, shed for you.” It was as if Christ, with his body and blood, went around and completed the circle of love. In the following communions, as different people served communions and read scriptures, the sense of universal priesthood revealed itself stronger and stronger. What an overlooked identity in church and a role we are owed to one another!
Community
Community was the surprising element in the retreat. In my stereotypical mind, retreat of this sort would have been wise enough to maximize the silence and solitude. Nonetheless, pleasantly astonished, there were good periods of time for community and fellowship, and they formed an important part of my retreat. People, whom I know or do not know from both sections, became family members who hadn’t seen each other for long at dinner table. Different topics rose up as each meal was served with different dishes, but there was a common theme: God and His works. The richness of exchange was inexplicable, although the limited eating hour only allowed us to share little. Perhaps it is exactly the point: because our time on earth is so little, our limited time shall focus on worthy topics.
My spiritual friend had a rough night sleeping. As we got together, she opened up and talked about her struggle and vulnerabilities. My heart went out for her yet no comforting words could be found. We dedicated much of our session to prayers. The Holy Spirit moved us both greatly, and he spoke words of healing and comforting through our lips. Praying for each other is indeed the creation of a meeting place for God and the others in our heart. It was very profound for both of us.
Silence
During the 5 hours of solitude and silence, my body called for a rest and I obeyed its request. What John Eudes mentioned was true: giving much energy to others in every encounter is exhaustive, and it does not favour a sustainable spiritual life. After 2 hours of sleep, the warm chapel seemed to be a better transition from the cozy bed than to the thought of snow. There were a few people there already. In these 3 hours of prayer, He and I both spoke very little. It was a little dull to start with, and I had to resist the idea of speaking for the speaking sake. It was like sitting together with your parent, and staring at each other in silence. After a period of time, He spoke. It was words of comfort for a family who recently lost their child. Perhaps, all these wordless time, was preparing me that so I can hear the most important words. Nouwen suggested that “God dwells only where man step back to give him room.” So is prayer that allows words to recede and make room for him to speak.
Course: Culture, gospel and church
Prof: Don Posterski (yes-- he is the author of this book)
When we are probing how to deal with diversity in this book, one of the section headings strike me: defend the cultural space of the others. As a Christian, we are often walled by oppositions that are against values in our religion: same sex marriage, law in place to prohibit languages with discrimination that might lead to making bible reading illegal in public. We are often so busy defending ourselves from all the bows and arrows from the liberalism. We are striving and voicing to be treated equally and justly in the name of freedom. However, while we attempts to protect our sacred ground and defending our own right, we as Christians have never thought of defending other cultures or religions’ right – it is not equivalent to “promoting other religions”, yet it is on the basis of doing what is just, as we loves others as ourselves and not lending a hand to oppress a group.
I wholeheartedly believe, giving space to the others keeps them within the smelling range -- keeps them in the smelling range of the fragrance of our Lord.
"As the sea, when it lies calm and deeply transparent, yearns for heaven, so may the pure heart when it is calm and deeply transparent yearn for the Good." ~Soren Kierkegaard
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