Start with Hatred. Proceed with Love.

鼓足了勇氣舉手﹐在班上眾目睽睽下讀出自己為日本寫的哀歌禱文
深呼吸了一口氣﹐朗聲唸了半句﹐豈料﹐語音未落 ﹐竟然咽哽起來。
一下子淚盈於睫 ﹐拼了命忍住還是落淚了。
寫功課時心情激動 ﹐只是沒有想過當無聲化作有聲時﹐是如此身不由己。

教會一直教我們的禱告都陽光明媚﹐幾乎容不下一絲陰霾 ﹕不要怕﹐不要哭﹐不要怨﹐只要信。
可知, 耶利米曾苦澀地質問神﹕怎麼殺人放火的就金腰帶了? *註
詩人曾哭叫﹕耶和華﹐求祢記念這亡國的血海深仇!*
哈巴谷怨憤地指著祂的臉(幾乎沒有大罵 )﹕祢對無辜見死不救!*
禱告裡許多感嘆號﹑怨氣﹑憤怒和眼淚(說不定﹐還有手指 =P)﹐許多許多 ﹐在教會﹐我不曾風聞﹐也不曾看見 。 舊約裡面的人對神如此膽生毛 ﹐不是因他們是先知﹐恃寵生驕﹐而是因著一份真性情和深知祂心的親密 。 Eugene Peterson說 ﹐正如傷害教我們跪倒在祂面前呼救﹐憎恨讓我們站起來為公義禱求 。

“This hate arises in a context of holiness: meditating on the holy word of God, expecting the holy messiah of God. Immersed by prayer in this holiness, we see clearly what we never saw before, the utter and terrible sacrilege of enemies who violate a good creation, who brutalize women and men who are made, every one of them in the image of God."

我舉起手說﹐Amen.
Start with hatred, proceed with Love. It must.

眼淚不斷﹐也許正是因為深愛祂我們才被捲進祂的傷痛裡面﹐而我們就是在禱告中越愛越深﹐越愛越痛。和友人 說起﹐她說﹐也罷﹐痛就痛死好了。

p.s. 附上日本Lament Prayer﹐若願意﹐請為這國家多多懇求。

How long shall we cry out to You O Lord, before You will incline your ears to our groaning?

The blood and tears of the ancient saints from the soaked soil in Japan has been calling for Your mercy for so long, will you not remember their loyalty and petitions?

The people of island are worshipping lifeless stone and woods,

lust filled their body and eyes,

slaying their own kind with cruel swords of word and action.

Return us to the soil then, for you have abandoned us, your own children!

Save us from our sinful brutality and evil ways, O Lord, lest we may be counted as resembling minimally Your own image.

*耶利米12﹕1-4
*詩篇 137
*哈巴谷書 1﹕ 1-4

Further Readings:

Eugene Peterson: Answering God

Patrick Miller: They Cried to the Lord.

Samuel Balentine: Prayer in the Hebrew Bible

(這本書...除了Preface有關作者的寫書因由和舊約禱告structure有看頭外﹐其實真係悶到痺。如你非看不可﹐我倒也不阻止﹐反正會很好瞓。)